grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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