saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
