i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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