Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
