i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
