Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
