I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
