I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
