I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
