meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
