He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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