Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
