Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
