Apparently you make a good broom.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize