Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She needs sedatives and a leash
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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