Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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