I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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