Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
