there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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