I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
