"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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