seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
