Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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