I wannas sexs uuuuu
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
