If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
