if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If that was your dad, he is hot
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize