I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
