Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
