when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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