you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize