i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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