Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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