A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
