Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
