i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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