just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
