Welp...herpes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
