It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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