I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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