I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
