we made out on top of his cat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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