Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Small penises have feelings too.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
