so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
