Your tits are I can't wait for
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
