Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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