I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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