you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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