he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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