so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
