He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
