they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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