Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
