You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
