was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
