I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
