Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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