i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize