yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize