Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
