I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
