The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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