It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
