I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
