i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize