its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
