sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
