You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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