Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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