bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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