I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
