i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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