Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
