How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
