i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
