69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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