I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sober January is a disaster.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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