what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize