I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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