He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
