that's an acceptable place to lick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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