I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
