OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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