Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
