Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
