i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
