Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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