Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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