I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
