By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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