You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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