I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
