She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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