Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
