OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
