Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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