come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
