the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
