hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
