I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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