I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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