Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
