i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
