Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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