she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
