Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
